Lonely Farts Ads

David Sinsueno

2009-01-02T16:42:00.000-06:00

Hello, potential brides!

I am a 6ft tall Latino male at the mature (and experienced) age of 47, and I am looking for a part time 'squeeze' to help me 'relax' from all the stresses of having a whale of a wife and 3 children.I am glad to meet up with anyone who claims to be of the female gender, in the smallish off streets (otherwise known as alleyways) in the Frankston or St.Kilda area.Many thanks in advance,

David Sinsueno

Devon Ronson

2008-11-12T21:06:00.000-06:00

I never knew what my role in life was until last year, when I discovered cross-dressing! Now that I have the perfect job, I need the perfect mate to go along with it. Anyone can contact me, anytime.

Sally Sue Dinkleburg

2008-11-11T20:04:00.001-06:00

I'm a 58 year old striper who enjoys cheep wine and camel cigarettes . Forget walks on the beach! I enjoy spendin tyme round poles an in the back seats of cars...and sometime when I'm feelin romantik i's lik to go stair at dumpstars

Sal McVein

2008-11-09T19:14:00.000-06:00

Name's Sal, it means SALT in Spanish. I'm 22, I play video games and this picture is me when I was 13 at math camp. I don't read or write, and I bet I have a higher ID than all of you put together. I'm extremely cultured, have 2 Ph. Ds, and one day I plan to be President, that is, if America is still a democracy by then.

Oliver "Thunder" Bird

2008-11-08T16:01:00.002-06:00

I'm a cool guy 25 years old who likes beer and swimming and girls, too. Don't reply if you're gay or bi or have an outie belly button. I'm trying to quit smoking.

Linda Sanchez

2008-11-05T15:23:00.002-06:00

Girl of young age [cannot tell] seeks boy desperately, hopefully one who doesn't shave yet and enjoys Tejano music. Will not laugh at stupid jokes or kiss, as boys have cooties.

Valentine Finch

2008-11-03T20:23:00.000-06:00

I'm 4'11'', 227 lbs., and I compete in lettuce eating contests all around the world in the summer. I'm fun and crazy, and I make chocolate milkshakes for a living at Dairy Queen--but don't underestimate the power of a dairy man, because one day I'm going to open up my own turn-of-the-century ice cream shop in Boston specializing in lettuce-realted foods and milkshakes.

Leonard Bernstein

2008-11-01T19:40:00.002-05:00

Gay male, 55, charming but with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. May polish bald heads upon impulse, so hair is a must. Do not contact if you carry a switchblade or pocketknife, as I might have another impulse and do something bad. Enjoys skydiving, bungee jumping, and polka dancing.

Kevin Christopherson

2008-10-30T16:11:00.002-05:00

I'm a single Dad, 32 years old, and my son's name is Tim, but I call him Tiny Tim because his voice is high and his height is small. Ha ha. Uh, well, let's see, I enjoy long walks on short beaches and I'm a nice guy. Hit me up.

Ethan Jackson

2008-10-28T16:04:00.000-05:00

I'm an interior designer and a filmmaker on the side. I like Devo and Depeche Mode, and Suede. My hero is Brett Anderson, and I dress like him sometimes. Drag is a big thing to me, but I'm straight. The best way to contact me is replying and I'll send you my phone number.

Mother Lucinda

2008-10-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

Ex-nun of 75 with wild side seeks young priest with whom to repopulate the earth. Will be fertile for the next couple of months, so reply soon. I come with my own Spanish-English translator.

Stephanie Gamble

2008-10-18T17:49:00.000-05:00

I'm an artist attending AIB, and illustrate kids' books. I'm seeking boy with motorcycle and a disability. Warning: prone to gaining and losing weight in a bipolar manner.

Eddie

2008-10-12T16:49:00.000-05:00

Hi My names Eddie, I vote and stuff and participate in auctions. I also participate in dating events like auctions and once won a 50 year old woman who I think I'll be stuck with if someone doesn't help me out here!

Robert Harper

2008-10-11T18:37:00.000-05:00

Man in prime, fifty-nine,

Enjoys booze

Women

Cars

Traveling to Mexico on weekends

Collecting bear skins

Divorcing ugly women

Singing songs from the Wizard of Oz

Chasing tornadoes

Julie Burgess

2008-10-08T16:29:00.000-05:00

Recently divorced mama seeking male companion unlike the others. Do not appreciate psychos pretending to be normal or guys who don't reply to messages, texts, comments, e-mails, or phone calls. Hope I'm not asking for too much.

Rachel Yung

2008-10-08T15:53:00.000-05:00

College student of 23 years seeking man who doesn't want children. Love to listen to the Libertines while working my side job as a "masseuse".

Mark Robinson

2008-10-05T04:50:00.000-05:00

Boy of stout stature and 18 years looking for similar girl, maybe one who likes to bake and play Nintendo. Am desperate. Reply soon.

Jean Andrews

2008-09-28T16:44:00.001-05:00

Recently widowed woman of 86, looking for a male friend to help pay rent until I find someone hot and young to run away with. Can still dance and have the voice of a Spice Girl.

Boris Walter

2008-09-12T14:09:00.001-05:00

Male of thirty-nine years, female of 5 years, seeking ex-nun ages 18-76. Write back soon, as I will delete this post in twenty-four hours to avoid conflict.

Joe Bruce

2008-09-09T06:17:00.000-05:00

Hey, I'm J-Bruce, I like girls and mustaches, and sometimes both at the same time. I wanna join a mustache club one day, but for now I wanna girlfriend to hang with until I do.

Amelie Dickinson

2008-09-02T07:20:00.000-05:00

I'm a 22-year-old fisherwoman in Maine who seeks a male of more stable occupation, such as accountant or WWE wrestler. Reply or comment and we'll set up a dock-lit date in my boat, where I live.

Bob Harris

2008-08-28T15:45:00.000-05:00

Man in prime looking for a mate who will hold my hair back as I vomit, so to speak. I enjoy drinking fine wines by the barrel and am an epicurium who will try any food before the real desert, if you know what I mean.

Steve Genzale

2008-08-10T15:40:00.001-05:00

(Far right)
I'm a hot eighteen year old with, to be honest, no lower body. I was in a motorcycle accident, and now ride in a cool wheelchair with hydraulics and speakers and a comfortable back seat for the ladies. I like techno music and girls who don't like motorcycles. I live in Los Angeles.

Elenora Barooshian

2008-07-31T16:23:00.002-05:00

I'm a senior in high school and I'm a girl with an appetite--take me out and you better pay for my meal. I'm studying to become a dermatologist. I'll go out with anyone who can treat me well and buy me chocolate, roses, or chocolate roses on Valentine's Day, since no one ever has. A chocolate bust of Bono would be good, too.